i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
