can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
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I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
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His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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