I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
