Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
