my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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