and i looked up. we had an audience...
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
