Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
