dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
