you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
