im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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