What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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