he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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