I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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