I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
