I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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