Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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