That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
i've created a new STD.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
