what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
