I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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