Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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