You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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