To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
