Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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