i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Its about making memories worth repressing
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Dignity is for republicans.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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