Sry I called you an 8
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
