So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
