I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
