My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
