Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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