tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
