its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
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Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
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She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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