D3 body, D1 cock
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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