i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
