She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
