i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
