Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
