Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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