I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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