Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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