I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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