Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
