Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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