Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
