nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
