Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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