I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
