if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
