This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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