The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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