Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
