You just made me feel so damn special
another moral hangover. fuck.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
