Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
