I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
