i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
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