I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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