2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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