I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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