these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
