it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
