I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
