My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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