You're my little dorito
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
