does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
