guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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