These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
