if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
