already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
