i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I need to sanitize my soul.
Is Oprah even human
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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