Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
