You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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