So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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